Good morning.
This morning I’m thinking about something that has probably happened to every one of us.
A few days ago, I asked a friend at work for help. It was an area he knew far better than I did, so asking him felt natural.
His response caught me completely off guard.
He snapped.
He said I was taking him for granted. That I couldn’t expect him to be at my beck and call.
I remember standing there wondering what just happened.
I replayed it in my head for days.
Did I miss something?
Had I unknowingly crossed a line?
Or had I simply become the nearest target for a frustration that had nothing to do with me?
Then I discovered something.
Around the same time, he had made a significant mistake at work. Management had come down hard on him. Suddenly, his reaction made more sense.
Not because it was fair.
But because hurt people sometimes hurt people.
That realization didn’t erase the sting.
It simply changed the story I was telling myself.
Most disagreements aren’t really about the words that were spoken.
They’re about the invisible battles neither person can see.
A delayed reply. A harsh tone.
How often do we assume they’re about us…
…when they may simply be evidence that someone else is carrying more than we know?
That doesn’t excuse unkindness.
But it sometimes explains it.
And explanation creates something pride never can:
Choice.
Every disagreement quietly asks us a question.
“What matters more to you right now… being right, or preserving something valuable?”
Sometimes the answer is distance.
Sometimes it’s forgiveness.
Most of the time, it’s simply waiting until both people have stopped fighting battles the other cannot see.
I’ve not yet decided what I’ll do.
Perhaps I’ll call him.
Perhaps I’ll wait.
Perhaps he’ll call me first.
Either way, I’d rather lose an argument than lose someone who once mattered.
Relationships rarely end because of one difficult conversation.
They end because pride quietly volunteers to become their spokesperson.
If someone came to your mind while you were reading this, a person you have not spoken to since something they once said, maybe that is worth noticing. You do not have to do anything about it today. Noticing is already a kind of love.
So here is what I am carrying with me, and I would very much like to hear your answer:
What’s one friendship you almost lost because neither of you wanted to take the first step and if you had today, would you make a different choice?
Tell me. I read everything.
Until tomorrow,
Bob